So literally my last post was Sunday, November 14th and an hour later I was a mess. I know I am not the only person in the world to have heart issues, but some days it gets very old. Yes, I have a pacemaker and I am 37 years old. I haven't thought of it in months and then last Sunday, God made sure I remembered how quickly my pacemaker does not mean I don't have other issues. Getting ready for church I started to feel very sick and a few minutes later I was calling my mom saying something is not right and then in a flash my living room was filled with paramedics. While I got in the ambulance I thought briefly to myself, "Why must it always be cold when I have to get in an ambulance?" So I've done this a few times and I am positive that it has never been warm one single time. Of all the things to remember when you are getting in an ambulance I remember that stuff. Things like, "Are my kids with someone?" come to mind, but I know someone else has already thought of that and that will be fine. I assume I think of random things just so I don't get too freaked out. I would love to say that I'm not scared, but that would be a lie. Who wouldn't be scared? I always know it has something to do with my heart and I need a heart that functions on a regular basis. I like things planned and set up. I like to be prepared and my crazy heart messes that up every chance it gets. Just when I feel strong I get turned upside down and then comes the cardio-vert machine. Drives me crazy, not to mention very sore afterwards. I know the look in my husbands eyes when all these things happen and I hate it. I joke with him and say maybe he should be asking for the vercet, medication they give me to forget what is going on when they have to reset my heart. I only wish that was really the case for him. I love that my mom is so knowledgeable about medical stuff, but I wish her knowledge would not scare her. She knows what really bad looks like in the hospital and I hate to scare her when I have episodes. I wish I didn't make life hard for the people I love.
So here's the thing: I guess if God can use this Puerto Rican, Pacemaker, Princess to keep everyone on their toes I will let Him.
When I speak it as though it is so, I really freak myself out. Getting use to doing this is more than difficult. In some ways I have trained myself to settle for less, because I would have to change to much to achieve this or that. I am working on a goal and I am getting frustrated that it is not coming easy, so I go do something that I know I am good at like moving furniture and decorating and redecorating. I guess it is some sort of escape. I see fear creeping up and I get mad, but I still do the easier thing. Just admitting it as I write makes me mad. I want to believe that I am not easily swayed. I want to believe that I am stronger than a few NO's.
So here is my list of things I say as though it is so: I am walking in the Spirit everyday. I am able to see opportunity and jump on it. I am determined. I am hopeful. I am sensitive to others needs. I am putting on my big girl panties and being tough. I am not moving furniture all the time. I am not shopping. I am asking for help. I am laughing. I am only mildly obsessive. I have incredible computer skills.
So here's the thing: If you see me talking to myself, just pat me on the back and say "Good job speaking it as though it is so"
I am so excited that I joined Arbonne as a consultant. Today I have my first promotion to district manager!!!!! Just started 6 weeks ago and I can not believe how much I enjoy this work.
Fear set aside That is what I feel like I accomplished in the last 6 weeks. The fear of failure. The fear of not being good at this. The fear of wasting money. The fear of driving by myself to Kansas. The fear of not being able to balance everything.
God helped me every step of the way. He wants me here. He wants me to succeed and I am getting that picture through working with Arbonne!!!!!!!!
So here's the thing: I am not stopping here this is only the beginning!!!!
I have been so busy, okay not really but I have started so many new things lately that I just did make time to blog. I know you don't want the list but I'm giving it to you anyway.
1. I had to get the very last days of summer out of my system. 2. I had to figure out what school looked like this year. 3. I had to read just one more fun fiction book. 4. I had to have a birthday party for my first teenager. 5. I had to lay around for a few days and, "Ask where did the summer go?" 6. I had to start my new business. Arbonne!!!!! 7. I had to try one more time to start a fire in the fire pit. 8. I had to sleep in. 9. I had to stay on facebook way to long. 10. I had to get a case of furniture moving again.
So here's the thing: Let's just say I should have made some announcement that I was dragging my blogging butt and really sucking all I could out of the last days of summer.
So here we are, Yuma, Colorado. Our first time getting to experience the life of the Little League All-Star Tournament. Yuma, CO is a tiny town with what seems like more cows than people, but this is where Jake's dreams are coming true.
I know my last blog was rather angry, but that was Mama Bear and this is me again.
Unsure of what to expect, Scott and I just put all we had into Jake and challenged him to talk to his coach. Jake, the supreme conflict avoid er, (he gets that from his dad) manned-up and talked to his coach about his issues. The coach assured Jake that there is real need for him on the team and that he respected Jake for talking to him and not whining. That made it worth for me, to hear that his coached respected my son.
We played our first game and won 9 to 3. Hopefully we have a few more days in Yuma, CO. It's crazy but I don't mind the fact that it's 104* or that I am surrounded by 12 year old boys that can drive you crazy, and the fact that I had to pay $20 for tickets to see my own son play all this baseball.
So here's the thing: Jake sees baseball as his heaven on earth and I will do just about anything to help my kids get a glimpse of heaven.
I don't really think of my self as a mom who has to prove much, but I am so feeling the need to rip off someones head.
My son loves baseball and he made it to the All-Star team. It made him more excited than I have ever seen him to have this privilege. But I am starting to wonder if we have made a huge mistake. I have a kid who is afraid to talk to his coach, is so insecure about his ability in everything and I hate seeing him this way.
So here's the thing: My "Mama Bear" tendency is dying to call this coach and enlighten him, but I won't do it. It is only by God's strength that I have not googled the coaches address and showed him what a Puerto Rican Mama Bear can do. Please, God keep helping me.
There is no way I could do what my friends have done. More than a year ago Mark and Penny Tuggle decided that they would be foster parents. They went to all the training and spent so much time getting ready to have an unknown child come live at their home. Yes, they already have three children of their own and they had to help prepare Asher, Abigail and Emma for a lot a change that could happen. Penny got the call while Mark was out of town to have a 2 year old boy come and stay with them. She might have hesitated, but she still did what God had called this family to do.
So this little boy with only a sippy cup showed up at their house. All the family jumped on board and tried to help this little boy feel loved and comfortable in a totally new place. Knowing full well that they had no control over the outcome of this little boys life. I know it was hard and tiring and many times God had to give Mark and Penny super powers of patience, but they never stopped doing what God wanted them to do. For months they took this little boy to visitations and dealt with social workers and going to court hearing. At times I could feel even myself on this roller coaster of emotions. I watched the kids take in this little boy as if he was always part of their family celebrating every milestone with him. The day eventually would come, more than a year later, that the judge would decide to place this now three year old with his great grandmother in Washington.
So next week they will have to say good-bye to their foster son. My heart is sad for their whole family. My heart is sad for my kids because they loved this little boy. My heart is sad that this little boy may not get the life he deserves. I know this is hard for my friends, but they did what God called them to do and they will never be the same.
So here's the thing: I want to be just as ready to do the hard things that God calls me to do, just like my friends the Tuggles.
There seem to be so many things I want to get done this summer, but because I did not think everything through I started all of them at one time and now it is driving me crazy.
I wanted to redo the garden area.
I wanted to get the outside of the house painted.
I wanted to move furniture again.
I wanted to reorganize the garage.
The list could go on and on. But not a single one of them are done yet!!! So many other things keep me jumping from one thing to the next. I need focus and more time in a day. Okay I actually need more time when I am awake in a day. Sleep is just not optional for me.
So here's the thing: For some who needs order in her life to function, I sure am out of order. I will just need to pray for focus.
Wow it has been a crazy few days!!! Let me just start the list
First: Will had to be admitted to the hospital on Wednesday of last week because he had a very bad reaction to penicillin. Oh yes, he had it before and been fine, but not this time. He was so pitiful, covered in hives from head to toe and swollen so much he looked chubby for the first time in his life. We only spent one night at the hospital, but several days of pain and severe itching were to come and we are finally on the mend after 5 long days. Will was a trooper, but boy it just took a lot out of me.
Second: A last minute baseball tournament for Jake. So many games, Thursday, Friday, 2 on
Saturday and 2 on Sunday. Baseball is fun, but not a great weekend for Scott to be coach.
Third: We added 2 extra kids (cousins) this
weekend. Oh they were good boys, but everything we thought we might do together was not possible. Not much fun to stay with the crazy Aunt Shelly this weekend. At least they were all pretty understanding. And just for the record Graham who is 13, can eat twice as much as Scott.
Fourth: This was the weekend I was doing a garage sale for someone else. I really did think of cancelling it, but I didn't have other weekend available until July. The sale went on and we still had a good sale.
Well, I think that might be all of it. What a week.
So here's the thing: Yes, our week was crazy and we ate out to much and I was very tired. I was just about to come undone and then today came and we are on the other side and on the other side was this. A much happier little boy and a much more relaxed Mom.
I am really going to start doing garage sales for other people. My first sale will be this weekend. Boy is my garage full of other's people crap. Needless to say that crap brings in the money so I like the mess.
So here's the thing: One man's crap is another man's treasure.
Summer is here and I am ready to soak it all in. Gardening and playing outside until the sun goes down. It is what my family lives for. I am not sure if this is just my family but we always seem to NEED this time of year. No hard schedule to follow, dinner when we get to it and served on paper plates. The best part has to be stocking up on plastic whiffle balls so we can play baseball in the back yard.
Last year we started having a no TV SUMMER and it was so worth it. The money we put towards our dish satellite gets put towards new games instead. We always start on June 1st and end Sept. 1st.
Just so you understand. Will does think he is going to die for these 3 months, but we just remind him that he didn't die last year. Really none of our kids would say they think this is a good idea, but they all survive.
Jake has to listen to baseball on the radio and computer. We go to Sky Socks games. (thank the Lord for $2 Tuesday at the ball park) Never mind the fact that we spend at least 3 night a week watching Jake actually play baseball on his team.
I am telling you if Jake ever plays professional baseball I am going to write a book called, From stretch marks to bench marks, because I got both from him.
So here's the thing: Oh, I know the summer will fly by and I will be crying when it is time to go buy more school stuff but I cherish these days of washing grass stains off of clothes and saying go wash your feet instead of put away your shoes and buying Popsicles for the neighborhood kids. We love summer!!!!!!!!!!!!
We spend a lot of time at different doctors. Today was the day we had to take Will and Kayla to their appointment with the cardiologist. We have been here before, lots of times because both the kids have Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. So we try to prepare the kids every time we go and we get rewards for being good the entire time. This time we used getting to go see the new "Sherk Movie"
It worked and they both behaved great.
The medical update is: Yes they both have more growth of the septum so we are increasing their medicine at little bit and they get to wear a halter monitor for the next 24 hours, just to insure they are not having arrthymias. We will get updated from that next week.
So here's the thing: I am a fan of bribing kids to behave when it come to being at the doctor, especially when I get to be involved in the reward.