being a cardiac patient

So literally my last post was Sunday, November 14th and an hour later I was a mess. I know I am not the only person in the world to have heart issues, but some days it gets very old. Yes, I have a pacemaker and I am 37 years old. I haven't thought of it in months and then last Sunday, God made sure I remembered how quickly my pacemaker does not mean I don't have other issues. Getting ready for church I started to feel very sick and a few minutes later I was calling my mom saying something is not right and then in a flash my living room was filled with paramedics. While I got in the ambulance I thought briefly to myself, "Why must it always be cold when I have to get in an ambulance?" So I've done this a few times and I am positive that it has never been warm one single time. Of all the things to remember when you are getting in an ambulance I remember that stuff. Things like, "Are my kids with someone?" come to mind, but I know someone else has already thought of that and that will be fine. I assume I think of random things just so I don't get too freaked out. I would love to say that I'm not scared, but that would be a lie. Who wouldn't be scared? I always know it has something to do with my heart and I need a heart that functions on a regular basis. I like things planned and set up. I like to be prepared and my crazy heart messes that up every chance it gets. Just when I feel strong I get turned upside down and then comes the cardio-vert machine. Drives me crazy, not to mention very sore afterwards. I know the look in my husbands eyes when all these things happen and I hate it. I joke with him and say maybe he should be asking for the vercet, medication they give me to forget what is going on when they have to reset my heart. I only wish that was really the case for him. I love that my mom is so knowledgeable about medical stuff, but I wish her knowledge would not scare her. She knows what really bad looks like in the hospital and I hate to scare her when I have episodes. I wish I didn't make life hard for the people I love.

So here's the thing: I guess if God can use this Puerto Rican, Pacemaker, Princess to keep everyone on their toes I will let Him.

Did I say that?

When I speak it as though it is so, I really freak myself out. Getting use to doing this is more than difficult. In some ways I have trained myself to settle for less, because I would have to change to much to achieve this or that. I am working on a goal and I am getting frustrated that it is not coming easy, so I go do something that I know I am good at like moving furniture and decorating and redecorating. I guess it is some sort of escape. I see fear creeping up and I get mad, but I still do the easier thing. Just admitting it as I write makes me mad. I want to believe that I am not easily swayed. I want to believe that I am stronger than a few NO's.

So here is my list of things I say as though it is so:
I am walking in the Spirit everyday.
I am able to see opportunity and jump on it.
I am determined.
I am hopeful.
I am sensitive to others needs.
I am putting on my big girl panties and being tough.
I am not moving furniture all the time.
I am not shopping.
I am asking for help.
I am laughing.
I am only mildly obsessive.
I have incredible computer skills.

So here's the thing: If you see me talking to myself, just pat me on the back and say "Good job speaking it as though it is so"

Fear set aside

I am so excited that I joined Arbonne as a consultant. Today I have my first promotion to district manager!!!!! Just started 6 weeks ago and I can not believe how much I enjoy this work.

Fear set aside
That is what I feel like I accomplished in the last 6 weeks.
The fear of failure.
The fear of not being good at this.
The fear of wasting money.
The fear of driving by myself to Kansas.
The fear of not being able to balance everything.

God helped me every step of the way. He wants me here. He wants me to succeed and I am getting that picture through working with Arbonne!!!!!!!!

So here's the thing: I am not stopping here this is only the beginning!!!!

Did you miss me?

I have been so busy, okay not really but I have started so many new things lately that I just did make time to blog. I know you don't want the list but I'm giving it to you anyway.

1. I had to get the very last days of summer out of my system.
2. I had to figure out what school looked like this year.
3. I had to read just one more fun fiction book.
4. I had to have a birthday party for my first teenager.
5. I had to lay around for a few days and, "Ask where did the summer go?"
6. I had to start my new business. Arbonne!!!!!
7. I had to try one more time to start a fire in the fire pit.
8. I had to sleep in.
9. I had to stay on facebook way to long.
10. I had to get a case of furniture moving again.

So here's the thing: Let's just say I should have made some announcement that I was dragging my blogging butt and really sucking all I could out of the last days of summer.

Summer Life !!

We are growing really big stuff in our garden!!!

I must say that it seems like summer is going much faster than winter. I can hardly believe that I am buying school stuff already.

We spent August 1st getting to celebrate Kayla getting baptized. It was wonderful to watch her eyes be so excited. After Scott baptized her the whole congregation yelled, "Welcome to the family"

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We also spent August 5th celebrating what would have been Doe's 39th birthday. It was really special to share this with the kids. We still really miss her a lot.

We had fun making a stepping stone to put in our garden for Doe.

My garden has been so fun this summer. It was a lot of work to start but relaxing to sit in now.

So here's the thing: The first word that come to mind when I think of summer ending is not a word I am aloud to say out loud.

Pictures always tell a story

So here's the thing: My family is incredible!! We never cease to have fun and laugh at anything.

State Baseball Tournament

So here we are, Yuma, Colorado. Our first time getting to experience the life of the Little League All-Star Tournament. Yuma, CO is a tiny town with what seems like more cows than people, but this is where Jake's dreams are coming true.

I know my last blog was rather angry, but that was Mama Bear and this is me again.

Unsure of what to expect, Scott and I just put all we had into Jake and challenged him to talk to his coach. Jake, the supreme conflict avoid er, (he gets that from his dad) manned-up and talked to his coach about his issues. The coach assured Jake that there is real need for him on the team and that he respected Jake for talking to him and not whining. That made it worth for me, to hear that his coached respected my son.

We played our first game and won 9 to 3. Hopefully we have a few more days in Yuma, CO. It's crazy but I don't mind the fact that it's 104* or that I am surrounded by 12 year old boys that can drive you crazy, and the fact that I had to pay $20 for tickets to see my own son play all this baseball.

So here's the thing: Jake sees baseball as his heaven on earth and I will do just about anything to help my kids get a glimpse of heaven.